Jump to content
Y-coach.com - Forum
Sign in to follow this  
jettrink

Dealing With Irate Parents

Recommended Posts

I just finished a season of coaching 1-2 graders in a CYO league. It was challenging to say the least. In any event, twice i was goated into confrontations and issues with parents, and unfortunately, the worst came at our last game that i had such high hopes for.

We were playing a team we beat handily a few weeks prior, but i did recall that their team played very rough, mainly because they didn't play properly. They would dribble, run with the ball, push and shove and their coach did nothing. i would blow the whistle, but mostly let them play. in any event, it started with a few tie ups. at times, i would let it go a few seconds, no more than 5 and whomever had the ball, would let them play. if not, switch possession each time. their was a tie up near their basket, i let it go, one of their kids turned and shot the ball. a parent starts yelling from the other team about giving possession to my team all the time, and i try to explain to her that your team just scored, so why give them the ball back. another parent on the same team chimes in about fouls and this not being football.

i started walking away, holding my tongue and she persisted. i reminded her about the waiver she signed that does not allow her to do what she was doing, but she persisted. in any event, i pride myself on the fact that my kids are not brutes and do not foul while on the flip side, it was like monday night wrestling.

how do you deal with this type of abuse from parents who cheer for their kids when they are throwing elbows and pushing and shoving and see only what they want to see?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Really, theres not a lot you can do. Your just stuck between a rock and a hard place. With kids that young, theres going to be a lot of tie ups and it sounds to me like you did the right thing.

One thing to remember is that lots of parents, don't really KNOW the game of Basketball. (therefore there kids don't either) They want to see there kid get the ball and score. Instead of all the other aspecks of learning the game, (fundamentals) cause thats really all you work on at that age.

You did a good job. Maybe next time offer the parents the wistle :):)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is an easy solution, but it depends on convincing those who makes the rules. The YMCA league that my son just finished (1st/2nd graders) has a rule that the defense cannot steal the ball. It makes perfect sense because of the problem you describe. At this age the offense is too far behind the defense and you see the result. You can hardly have a basketball game(maybe you could get the coaches to agree before the game for now). Also, I would not suggest letting a held ball go. I would blow the whistle as soon as two opposing players have their hands on it. It can get ugly and kids can get hurt. On one hand you want kids to learn to pivot and protect the ball from defenders(but they really can't at this age), on the other hand you don't want them fighting over the ball and wrestling matches. I would error on the side of stopping play and alternating possession. I would also error on blowing the whistle too soon at 3rd and 4th grade after watching my daughter. Fighting over the ball is where I've seen bad sportsmanship start in games. Especially if you see kids yanking on the ball after the whistle, I would put an end to that right away. It gets out of hand quickly and it gets the parents going as well.

I would really try and have the rule changed to no stealing for that age group so you could have a basketball game. The kids will adjust just fine in 3rd grade to being able to steal the ball and tie up again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

smsjr:

The things you said sound good. I was wondering on the no steal defences if its just no steal no matter what, or can they steal passes. It seems to me like i've watched kids with these rules before but, i can't remember if they were allowed to steal passes or not. I do remember that for young kids they game seemed to flow really well though. I think it is a good idea.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a tough one. They had a "no stealing passes" rule, but it was a little tough to be consistent enforcing. They tried to enforce it such that a kid couldn't step in front of a pass and steal, but lob passes in a crowd were fair game. Loose balls were fair game if a kid lost his dribble off his foot and stuff like that. It was a good rule too and like you said contributed to giving the game a nice flow for that age group. I'm in favor of that rule too, just be aware that there will be many that are too close to call and the refs will have to let them go to keep the game going - the coaches/parents will have to be patient and should be told(pre-season meeting) about the rule and to relax about it. I think explaining all of this before the season goes a long way in heading off problems. I think every parent should have to coach/ref one time and that would help them not be so quick to pop off as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There wasn't any policy of no stealing. but what it does come down to is you have a mixture of kids who know the game and are agressive and ahead of others. An example is my son who excels to the point that the league wants to take him, a 2nd grader and put him on a 4th grade travel team. Based on that, it is easy to understand the lopsidedness during these intramural games. but it also became evident that the kids like him who knew what to do, were more apt to getting hurt or roughed up by children who didn't know the game or the rules. the only rule in regards to defense was no pressing. the kids could not defend until they crossed the half court line.

but how do you stop a natural instinct of some kids who are playing the correct way?

the other problem is that although it is instructional, once the games start, the parents and even most of the coaches don't seem to care and just want to see the kids score. there was a mother during the incident yelling because her son stopped dribbling and didn't know what to do, so she is yelling at him run to the hoop, run to the hoop and then yelling at me when i blow the whistle as he is doing this to teach him not to run but to pass it out when he is stuck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
there was a mother during the incident yelling because her son stopped dribbling and didn't know what to do, so she is yelling at him run to the hoop, run to the hoop and then yelling at me when i blow the whistle as he is doing this to teach him not to run but to pass it out when he is stuck.
In that case(in an instructional league), I would just blow the whistle and explain to the kid he was walking and give it back to him out of bounds and ignore the mom. How obnoxious was she? I would think if she was telling(yelling) the kid to run to the basket she would have embarrased herself. If all of the parents are being that ridiculous I don't know what to tell you.

If kids are getting roughed up then there needs to be more whistles and more explaining to the kids as to what fouls are. That also tells me that you can't let the held balls go on for 5 seconds - blow the whistle right away. I really think you need to push for the no steals rule. We did not have any problems in 10 games in my son's 1st/2nd grade league with regards to kids getting roughed up. We had a few kids that were kind of holding on defense, but that was it. The only held balls we had were off of rebounds and the occasional loose balls that resulted from a kid losing a ball off a dribble which was rare. I know you want the game to flow, but the kids are going to have to learn what a foul is. Maybe if you called a bunch of fouls early in the game they wouldn't be so aggressive? It's going to be tough until the offensive skills catch up to the defensive pressure of the kids going after the ball. Maybe explain what a foul is to the kids before the game and tell them not to fight over held balls - once the whistle blows let go of a held ball.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

to be honest, i am looking at retirement from coaching now that my son will be moving up to a travel team. perhaps when my other son is a little older and if he wants to play, and i will jump in again, but i was enjoying it til the parents started opening their mouths. not worth the fight and trouble

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

CYO can be an especially rough climate. I coached a 7th grade c team mainly becuase my son is at that level and they never get much attention as far as coaching. I can handle poor athletes but some of the kids behavior and attitude was tough to handle. I sat 1 boy out of a practice for constantly screwing around and disrupting practice. At that weeks game I planned on playing him the minimum minutes. In the 2nd half he starts complaining about his time. i reminded him of the practice and his consequence. he begins loudly being obnoxis rude and disrespectful to me so I call a timeout and waive the AD over to escort him from the game. Guess who the parent are mad it?

Unbelievable. I'm on trial - the thing they were most upset about- his minutes? Same kid was complaining about his dad being at games earlier-it's just sad and it gets worse if you try to help. It really put a sour taste in my mouth the rest of the year and made the whole thing work not fun. I was at the same place as others who was ready to quit coaching. The main thing I would do differently is just more communication and clarification with parents up front. I made the mistake of keeping some things "in practice" If I disciplined a kid -sprints whatever- I felt it was a basketball thing and didn't need to get the parents involved unless it was serious. In retrospect I should of been letting parent know as much as possible up front- though some parents just would have used that against me.

I had 8 kids and 2 of them wanted to be there. Most were angry that they weren't on one of the better teams or were playing becuase they had to not wanted to. They had never won anything in 3 years and we went 6-3 plus 2nd and 3rd in 2 tornaments- but most of them just didn't care. They like winning-they didn't like practicing. I had no parent volunteers- first time ever coaching not a single parent stepped up to help out- just a nightmare.

I also coach high school kids who live in a treatment facility- basically delinquents and those kids rarely give me a problem which is ironic- they just love the fact they get to play in a real league

My 4th grade daughter asked if I would coach her girls team they wanted to start. I thought about it and realized I've had 1 bad experience in 5 -6 years of coaching. I know the 4th grade parents from other sports and everyone is on the same page. The girls are good kids and eager to learn so I say yes but I go into wiser

I can handle everything but this subject-talk about killing your spirit. Communicate early and often and have a support system -such as ad- other coaches- assitent coaches etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The league I coach for has a saying for the parents...Be a Fan, not A fanatic. I stress this with my parents and each player before each season (we play 4 seasons per year in Florida). My boys are 9-10 y/o and the parents can cause a technical foul to be called on their son's team if they are out of hand in the crowd. I have explained in the past that in almost 15 years of coaching, I have never seen a call reversed because someone yelled about it. It is permissible to quietly question an official as to his reasoning for a call during a quarter/half break or a time out...never during the game..

Similar to recent movies, every player signs a contract to remain on the team and the consequences for misbehavior, missed practices etc... are spelled out in the contract. Parents sign it too and it is tough to bench a kid when they could contribute to the game...but then again, all they have to do to win is show up, whether they have more points than their opponents at the end of the game is irrelevant.

My team played tonight without our 2 best players and, while we didn't score more than the other team, the 8 kids that played all contributed and were smiling at the end of the game because they realized that working together, even without 2 "stars" they were able to accomplish alot.

Vipers Coach J

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...