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Wildcatcoach

Coaching Your Own Son!

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How many of you guys are coaching your own son? How well does he take your instruction has a coach? How does your wife feel about it and does she expect him to have a better position because you’re one of the coaches?

The reason I ask is that my wife thinks that he should be getting the ball more/playing a better position on offense(Playing RB), my son plays TE and FS. We run kind of a pro style offense( I formation FB offset w/wingback, Wishbone, Double wing) We have just add some pass plays to the TE’s this week.

Thanks

Mike

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that's a tough one. Just make sure you're fair. If you lead your wife faithfully and show her that it wouldn't be fair to prefer your son in this situation, I think she'll understand. Also, make sure you're not prefering any of the other players. I know there's a tendency to use your son less because you think it may be favoritism, but you've got to treat him fairly.

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When I started coaching our son, my wife and I had discussed this problem because we knew that it would come up. We decided that no matter what, our son had to earn whatever position he got on the team. It would not be fair to the team or to him to have special treatment. We made sure that he was well aware of that too. This has worked out well for us, and no one has complained that our son gets special treatment. He works hard and has earned his positions. If you show special treatment to your son in any way, I promise you that there will be parents that will pick your son apart. It is very sad, but other parents can be very harsh when it comes to the politics of football.

As for how he takes my instruction as a coach, well, I don't treat him any different than any other player on the team. If anything, I try to let the other coaches instruct him as much as possible and I have spoke with the other coaches about this and they have been very supportive. I can always work with him later at home and I don't want anyone to have any reason to think that he is getting special treatment.

The biggest problem that we have when I am coaching my son, is that I don't always see how my son is doing. As a coach, I have to see the big picture, I do not have the luxury of watching to see exactly what my son is doing on every play. That is very frustrating to my wife because she will ask me if I saw what he did during the game, being the proud mom, and I have to admit that I don't always see it. I think it hurts my son a little sometimes too. I was a parent on the sideline for his 1st year of football, and I watched his every move. He takes the good with the bad, he loves to have me coach, and he is understanding that I cannot watch only him. Good luck, I hope this helps!

Doug

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Yeah, this is a tough topic. I coach my youngest son's team and I have for 3 years. One thing I can comment on that is a bit unique to the other replies is I notice that I am much harder and demand more from my son than other players. My assistants have sons on the team too and they are equally harder on their own sons than on the other players.

One other thought. Sometimes you get parents that believe the coachs' sons get the best treatment. I wonder if they realize that I have to consult a game film to see a majority of my sons playing time.

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Yeah, this is a tough topic. I coach my youngest son's team and I have for 3 years. One thing I can comment on that is a bit unique to the other replies is I notice that I am much harder and demand more from my son than other players. My assistants have sons on the team too and they are equally harder on their own sons than on the other players.

One other thought. Sometimes you get parents that believe the coachs' sons get the best treatment. I wonder if they realize that I have to consult a game film to see a majority of my sons playing time.

I agree. I'm the defensive coordinator on my sons 9 yr old team and I ride him harder than the other kids...but not too much harder. We have alot of talented kids so I just try to get them to perform to their ability. My kid has a bad habit of going half speed but when he really wants to play he can really put on a show and it's frustrating.

I try to stick with coaching my son on defense and let the head coach coach him on offense. I'll give him pointers here and there but I always reinforce what the head coach says. I don't think my son likes the fact that I coach because he knows I will be in his butt if he doesn't put forth the effort. I don't hesitate at all to pull him from a game if he's not playing to his ability and neither does the head coach.

It's like that with all our coaches...we all have kids that are on the team and we are harder on our own children than the others. But I enjoy coaching and we have such a good group of kids and I feel like they are all my kids. We have never had a negative incident with any of our kids or the parents.

As far as the wife, I don't have that problem. She just lets me do my thing. Now the ex (my sons mom) she makes her comments but I just ignore them. The only reason she would want our boy to get more playing time is to give her something to talk about with the other moms. :)

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I do ride my son harder than the other kids, and the other 2 coaches are harder on there kids also. I do coach my son on both side of the ball. There are only 3 of us, our head coach and OC and our DC and and do both Offense and Defense and special teams. Over all My son like me coaching and is happy with the postion(s) that he play's. He really wanted to play RB, but we do have 2 good and one stud and RB.

The issue has been more with my wife not understanding things, even when i try to explain things to her!! She has been better the last 2 weeks. Our son getting tons of playing time, we only have 15 kids on the team. He plays both ways and special teams. She just wants him to have the chance to "run" the ball! We have tried to throw the ball to him the last 3 games but all fell incomplete, not his fault at all. Also what make it hard is that he is my step-son.

Thanks again for your advise and insight!

Mike

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I do ride my son harder than the other kids, and the other 2 coaches are harder on there kids also. I do coach my son on both side of the ball. There are only 3 of us, our head coach and OC and our DC and and do both Offense and Defense and special teams. Over all My son like me coaching and is happy with the postion(s) that he play's. He really wanted to play RB, but we do have 2 good and one stud and RB.

The issue has been more with my wife not understanding things, even when i try to explain things to her!! She has been better the last 2 weeks. Our son getting tons of playing time, we only have 15 kids on the team. He plays both ways and special teams. She just wants him to have the chance to "run" the ball! We have tried to throw the ball to him the last 3 games but all fell incomplete, not his fault at all. Also what make it hard is that he is my step-son.

Thanks again for your advise and insight!

Mike

Wildcat,

I have been coaching football for sixteen years now, man that seems like a long time, and I just had my first child this August and honestly I am glad that I have the experience of watching other dads coach their kids so that I could learn what to and what not to do with my kid. I think you have to strike a fine balance when coaching your kid and being a successful coach for th TEAM. The best dad coaches I have had coach for me are the ones that learn how to coach their position groups and still be able to coach their kid as well. The key from what I have seen is that they learn to coach the group of kids equally and not use their kid as a crutch in the coaching process. Handling a wife is big part of coaching your kid on the team because she feels she has to be your sons advocate while you are the teams advocate. Treat the situation just like you would any parent issue with respect but be honest in your assessment of your son to her...I think she would appreciate that more then anything else.

Jack

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I have been coaching both of my sons for the last 3 years. I have coached their baseball, soccer and football teams. I have always treated my sons the same as everyone else on the teams. They have an understanding that when we are on the field, I am the coach, not the dad at that time. They are only 7 and 8 years old, so the players on the teams are rotated through positions so that they get a chance to play all of them. It would be easy to play my 8 year old at running back all the time as he has consistently been the most talented runner on the teams each time. But if I did this, I'm sure other parents and players on the team would be discouraged and that is not what I want at this age. I strive to make these early experiences with sports be a lot of fun and a learning experience that they will take with them and hopefully continue to play these sports. When my sons do get to the age where the positions are more specific to each player, they will need to earn their spots just like everyone else on the team. My wife is very supportive and proud that I take the time out of my busy life to coach and be a part of my sons lives in this way. I commend all people, dads or not, that take the time to teach children both on and off the field. Just know that you are making a difference in the kid's lives and strive to be a positive role model for all of them regardless if they are yours or not. This is just my 2 cents of course! :D

Good luck to all of the coaches,

Coach Colton

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I'm in my 2nd year coaching my son's sports teams. Football, basketball, spring flag/passing league, and possibly rugby next summer.

- How well does he take your instruction has a coach?

He listens to me, but reacts better to the other coaches.

- How does your wife feel about it and does she expect him to have a better position because you’re one of the coaches?

She loves that I am involved. She hates that I'm never home. She expects me to be an advocate for our son when appropriate, but realizes that I have to be fair.

Our son is the starting OT and backup MLB on our 'B' team. It's his second year, most of the 'A' team kids have played 3+ years (and many of them 4+ with the same head coach). I did what I could to get him on the 'A' team's OL, or FB on the 'B' team, but at the end of the day, he wasn't in shape and didn't do anything all summer, and the coaches had to put him where he fit best. He's having a good year at OT - and I think he learned a lesson about life and sports (you get out what you put in - sit on the couch all summer, and you don't get to touch the football).

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This is the first year I have coached my sone in football, all though i have helped coach baseball. It's different in football because I actually know a lot about football and was only helping in baseball because the head coach needed some help. It helps that my son is one of the better players on the team. This prevents the problem of making him sit and possibly catching heck from the wife. I find that if I'm not careful, I can be harder on him then I am on the other players. During one game I was calling stunts, (he's a LB) and he went inside when i told him outside. This wasn't him mistaking the call but rather him going for the fake instead of covering his gap. I yelled at him and after the game he came to me and said, "don't yell at me u almost made me cry". Properly chastised, i made a deal with him that if he would listen i wouldn't yell. I beleive criticism coming from a father bites a little harder than from a coach. One of our other assistants asked me to jump on his son who was playing poorly, he felt like it would be better coming from me. Of course that may have been due to the fact that his wife was halfway on the field chewing her husbands butt because he had been yelling to his son on the field and the son turned to listen and got out of position when the play started. It does get interesting some times. I believe overall it is a positive thing to coach your children as long as you keep it in perspective. There comes a time when you have to let them go. I recall a dad who coached his son in high school, causing some significant problems on our college team when his son wasn't playing well and was replaced. The son ended up quiting and i think the father had a lot to do with that decision.

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I don't have a boy playing, nor will I... I have two little girls

(which present a whole different set of problems ...but that's an entirely different story :lol: )

I really feel blessed, because I'm able to coach for the love of the game and the good of the kids without having to deal with any family involvement. I never have to act like someone I'm not, nor will I ever have to ask myself whether personal ties are effecting my judgement...

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Prime - will your daughters play football? I've seen a few girls in our league and they seem to do fine (most of them are on the "B" or "C" teams, haven't seen one on an "A" team yet).

One girl in particular has been on an opposing team for two years now (110lb, mostly 12-13yo). She plays at the "C" level and hits as hard as anybody else at that level. She's bruised a few male egos in our games.

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The reason I ask is that my wife thinks that he should be getting the ball more/playing a better position on offense(Playing RB), my son plays TE and FS.

Who's the coach? You or your wife?

Tell her the tight end position is the most presitigious position in football. It's certainly the easiest way to get into the NFL. How many good tight ends are there?

I hope you got a pair of pants for Christmas. Just kidding. Wives can be typical sports parents, too.

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I coached my own son in youth football and had no problem with it, nor did he. He called me "coach" and I was the line caoch, he played offensive line. I gave him no favors, he played left end on a Youth Single Wing Football team and he did not start, He played but got no favoritism. Winning Youth Football

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I actually started coaching my son because he wasn't getting the pt he deserved but neither were alot of the other kids. The coach at the time only went to his son. Now my wife asks me "why don't you only go to your son, hes the best on the team." The reason I started coaching is so everyone could play because at his level(U8) thats what it is all about. Having fun and getting in the game.

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How many of you guys are coaching your own son? How well does he take your instruction has a coach? How does your wife feel about it and does she expect him to have a better position because you’re one of the coaches?

The reason I ask is that my wife thinks that he should be getting the ball more/playing a better position on offense(Playing RB), my son plays TE and FS. We run kind of a pro style offense( I formation FB offset w/wingback, Wishbone, Double wing) We have just add some pass plays to the TE’s this week.

Thanks

Mike

So here are my thoughts on this...

I coach my son at the MM level and I tell him very explicitly that when we are on the filed I am coach, not Dad... There are almost no exceptions to this rule :D You could easily apply this to the wife if you can get her buy in on it.

Now just some perspective here, parents always want there kids to be the flashing stud player that everyone cheers on. In some cases this is not possible as the player just doesn't have the skill and or the will to be that player. This is usually handled by a good coach who is normally pretty fair on these decisions from what I have seen.

On our team we use data points to actually determine who should play what position as a baseline and then we go on skills and want for each spot...

Most coaches should have the knowhow to make these choices, if you don't agre and or you feel your coach is not being fair, call a meeting with him and ask questions.

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How many of you guys are coaching your own son? How well does he take your instruction has a coach? How does your wife feel about it and does she expect him to have a better position because you’re one of the coaches?

The reason I ask is that my wife thinks that he should be getting the ball more/playing a better position on offense(Playing RB), my son plays TE and FS. We run kind of a pro style offense( I formation FB offset w/wingback, Wishbone, Double wing) We have just add some pass plays to the TE’s this week.

Thanks

Mike

Hi Mike. I have 2 DDs age 16 and 14, and coached both of them all through rec softball. The elder girl got the idea I was there to coach the team, not just her. The younger girl thought she should get all the breaks because I was head coach after her sister moved up in each division. This was the younger girls last year at rec, she goes to high school next season. My son is 7 this year, last season was my first coaching football and baseball with him. He is very coachable and doesn't expect me to give him any favors. He wants to play QB, and last year I told him (and my wife) that being his first year in the league he would probably be a backup player, and should just practice hard and learn the speed of the game. We actually only had 16 kids come out for the 1st-2nd grade level last year, so he would up as a starting DL. He played great at that position. This year, I told him I was taking over the offense, and I was going to try out everyone for any position. He has been working hard over the summer at QB skills, and he will probably be the best qualified player when we open camp in August. My wife supports this, she does not want the kids getting over on anyone else because their parent is one of the coaches. She comes to the games and watches her son play so I don't have to try and give a report every week.

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