Ever Had A Discipline Problem With A Player?

[Johnp2 21]

In the four years I have coached, I have been extremely fortunate to have nothing but the best kids (IMO). I truly believe most of it is luck, and some of it is the fact that I set expectations early on.

I've only had one player whom I nearly removed from the team. It was three seasons ago (I was coaching co-ed soccer). There was a girl on my team (age 7) who had some issues, I believe. She started off with the team on the wrong foot when the second she walked up to the team in the first practice, one of the kids said to her, "You look mean." Unfortunately, the kids was right. This girl fought with EVERYONE from day one. After the second or third practice, my son was under strict instruction to simply ignore her at all times. She screamed/fought with her teammates all the time, refused to take part in any drill she did not feel like, cried half the time, etc. It was a mess.

I remember after one practice, something happened while she was in line, and she screamed to a player, "I HATE YOU AND I HATE THIS TEAM!!" and walked off. Oddly, it was to one my best behaved players. I caught up with her and we had a talk. I was like, "What's the problem? We can get it worked out, I'm sure." She was not responsive to it, and just kept arguing. She ended up screaming "I HATE YOU!" to me during our talk.

I was shocked. She sat out of the practice and just cried. All the other players were creeped out. I told them to just ignore her and when she is ready she will re-join us. Of course it was a big mess, and not a healthy environment. It started weighing on my mind a lot. Suddenly I was dreading going to practice (when it's usually my favorite thing in the world) because I knew I would have to deal with her.

The second week we had "picture day." At first she did not want to be in the team picture. I said "fine" (as I had pretty much enough of her). Her mom talked her into being in the picture---she was tall so stood next to me. I told all the kids to smile, and of course she screamed out, "I'm NOT smiling!". Everyone just ignored her.

Then we lined up for individual pictures. The next thing I know she is shoving another player screaming at him. At this point I walked over to her mom and said, "I think we are having some behavior problems with %Name%." Her mom was looking at her and sternly said, "I can see." Then her mom said, "That kid cut in front of her." I almost fainted. I looked at her said, "You know, I am not here to discipline the kids. Please take care of this or I will remove her from the team."

Things got a little better after that (and I was dead serious about removing her from the team---but could never pull the trigger). She started to warm up to me after a while (when she saw I simply ignored her antics). I personally think she had issues at home, which is one reason I ended up not kicking her off the team---as I felt bad for her and thought it would only make whatever problems she had worse.

However, I hope I never have a kid like that again. As I told her mom (and tell ALL parents at our kick-off meeting, "I am here to coach and not discipline the kids. If you see your kid acting up in practice, I expect you to deal with it" (and most do). I've had kids pulled off the practice field by their ear by mom. ;-)

I let players be players, and yes there will be cutting in line at this age group, and yes there will be a little bickering but I have told myself I will never have a "bad teammate" again. It's such a fine line as to what you can do to "discipline" players---that I leave it to the parents. Sure I will bench a player for a play or two or sit him out of a drill if he breaks a cardinal rule---but that has been very rare. In fact, my son is the only one I "discipline" on the field (making him sit, etc.). ;-)

I'm sure some of you have a different approach, but that is my philosophy. As mentioned, I have been one of the luckiest guys on earth to have such incredibly great kids (and even better parents) on my team. However, as each season starts, I always get a little worried that I will have one that just does not cut it---and I promise I will not take it and remove the problem if needed.

Post away on your experiences!

[Johnp2 21]

Bueller? Bueller?

Does anyone still read/respond to this forum?

[rushbuster70 16]

I've never had discipline problems...I've had a few amount of people who didnt want to do what they were told.Told there parents and they were taken care of.I've always had good parents who could take care of that stuff for me

Sorry i've been not on here to much lately.I'm actually not going to coach this fall.I turned sides and I'm going to referee lol

I can give out tons of suggestions though

[hollad6636 0]

Rushbuster70,

I hope you do continue to provide your insights. I would also love to hear your perspective now that you have turned to the darkside .

[rushbuster70 16]

Rushbuster70,

I hope you do continue to provide your insights. I would also love to hear your perspective now that you have turned to the darkside .

Lol i definitely will keep my inputs here.I love coaching..dont get me wrong, im actually coaching right now still but in a league thats about fun not being competitive at all, but I'm looking to make some extra money for christmas and a couple vacations i want to take next year

[Johnp2 21]

Well, good luck to you! I would love to have you in our league! :-) It should probably be a requirement that you coach before you can ref, but we all know that will never happen.

[rushbuster70 16]

Well, good luck to you! I would love to have you in our league! :-) It should probably be a requirement that you coach before you can ref, but we all know that will never happen.

Haha...well i'm just trying to make some extra mooolahh i spend quite a bit of money on my football team usually.

[Johnp2 21]

i spend quite a bit of money on my football team usually.

This is another topic in itself. I figure I doled out close to $250.00 on my team last season. This ranged from personalized playbooks, practice gear, personalized trophies, "Player of the Week" practice jersery, end of season party facility rental, personalized awards, etc. etc.

At one point my wife raised her eye a little bit on how much I was spending, but to me it was worth every penny spent!

[rushbuster70 16]

i spend quite a bit of money on my football team usually.

This is another topic in itself. I figure I doled out close to $250.00 on my team last season. This ranged from personalized playbooks, practice gear, personalized trophies, "Player of the Week" practice jersery, end of season party facility rental, personalized awards, etc. etc.

At one point my wife raised her eye a little bit on how much I was spending, but to me it was worth every penny spent!

Yea i hear you there...I probably spent $250 at the least last season...lol.It will help to save that money plus i'll be making some.I'm hoping to pick up a few tricks and what not from refereeing by seeing other teams play.

[Idjaffe 0]

We had a bad kid.....

My coaches and I did everything we could to help him.....extra practice, lots of encouragment...equal playing time, etc.

Find one of the best things you can do is praise the child NEXT to the disipline problem. "Great job following directions", "Good job in staying down on that grounder", etc. It makes the other kids want to be the "good kid".

After about a month, the child started to come around.

By the end of the season, he was paying attention, participating in all drills, becoming a decent ball player, etc. We just decided early on, that it was most improtant to reach THAT kid....that the "good kids" would still be good.

At the end of the season the Mom told us that baseball that year was the best thing that "little Johnny" had ever done. We came to find out that "Johnny's" dad had been killed in Iraq -but none of us knew, and she did not tell us because they don't like charity or pity. Just the way we stayed positive with him was exactly what he needed (we got lucky).

Bottom line - that was my best coaching expierience in over 5 years and a dozen differnent teams and sports....still bump into "Johnny" around town every once in a while....and he still calls me Coach.

Guess that's why we "put up" with the bad kids......

[Johnp2 21]

Great post, Idjaffe! (And welcome, by the way.) Having the parents' "buy in" goes a long way with me, as I'm sure it does with "real" coaches, teachers, etc. I am very concerned about the season where I have to deal with a player who has personal issues at home. As mentioned, I have been on lucky SOB in my fours years of coaching to have only one discipline problem. I guess mentally I must prepare myself for dealing with a situation like you encountered.

p.s. I know the great feeling of seeing former players. Just tonight I was at the corner store and saw one of my players and his parents. I see former players pretty much everywhere around our neighborhood, and very much enjoy that look in their eye when they first see me and remember the fun they had being on my team.

[Orange 26]

I have one kid who I had to discipline several times. He would mouth off to the other kids some times and pout and complain. Before I instituted my no asking for the ball rule, he was the biggest complainer. I would sit him out usually and have his parents talk with him. His parents are pretty good and the kid really loves playing football with my team. I've told him in no uncertain terms that if he wants to be on my team he has to follow my rules. He's come a long way in the past 3 years and although he's much better I always keep an eye on him. He has a bit of a temper and outweighs my other players by an average of about 40 pounds. He's a great athlete and could be more of a factor at qb if he had a better attitude. I typically use him as a gimmick qb as he can throw the ball really, really really far.