Posted 05 September 2011 - 12:12 PM
Last year, my son (6th grade at the time) made it on two very competitive basketball teams (fall and winter), both of which I did not coach other than helping in practice. My son has a pretty laid back disposition, which doesn't go over very well in the world of mini Michael Jordans. He had a double-header his first game in the fall and wasn't making it happen in my eyes, not hustling like I thought he should, etc. In-between games, I caught him at the drinking fountain and point blank asked if, "he wanted to play at this level or not?", and other stupid comments about "we're not playing in a rec league here", etc., trying to motivate him to kick it up a notch. His eyes got wide and I could tell he was shocked that I would even question whether or not he was hustling.
Oh, but it didn't stop there, I had to open my mouth during the car ride home. I brought my son to tears and my wife gave me the "do not pass Go, go directly to jail" look. Not a cool scene. I was basically questiong whether my son should continue playing at the competitve level or not.
After bouncing it back and forth with Orange, he helped me change the way I talk with my son. I was so used to be the coach and having the latitude to tweak his performance during a game and after, because, afterall, I was his coach. Being a parent on the side is difficult.
I'm going to e-mail the article to my parents on the flag and basketball team. Good stuff.
As a side note: my son was invited to play on the competitive team again this fall. He's been taking private lessons and doing a lot better in spite of my attempts to thwart his comptetive career.
Posted 07 September 2011 - 08:59 AM
It reached a point 2 seasons ago where playing sports started to be more of a "job" for him than fun as it was supposed to be.
I did a couple of things to change my perspective.
- I joined an adult flag football league, and allowed my son to critique me after each practice and each game. It was fun for my son to be able to get some "revenge" for all the harsh criticism I had given over the past few seasons.
- I quit coaching his teams for a couple seasons. I decided to sit back and let others do the coaching for a while. This was very hard as I have always been very involved in his sports, but it really helped give him some breathing room to go out and work on things from other coaches persepctives.
- I decided we were way too serious about sports. I decided that sports should be fun, and something he wants to do because it's fun for him. Not something I need to push him too hard to do.
Posted 08 September 2011 - 12:38 AM
Posted 08 September 2011 - 10:08 AM
1. Make sure its fun. Balancing competitiveness and fun is sometimes difficult and I have to keep checking myself and getting back in line.
2. I have a mantra which I've probably told my kids a million times, and I'm sure I've posted it here a bunch in various forms. It was nice to see the article say the same thing. Focus on effort and not the results. Don't make it about winning or losing, but giving your all. My mantra goes something like this (I even said it to him yesterday... again!!!) : "Win or lose doesn't matter. What matters is how hard you try or how hard you play. Go 100% all the time, practice and games. That way, at the end of the day you can look at yourself and say I gave it all I had, and be proud of yourself."