Why Isn't My Son Getting Played?

[megjclarke 0]

My son is a first-year player on a AAA league team. He had some problems starting out - he is the subject of the thread Should I Let My 13-Year-Old Son Quit Football? - but has completely changed his attitude and has really been working hard to earn his coach's respect, even doing extra work outside of practice. His coaches have noticed his extra effort and actually complimented him at last Thursday's practice, telling my husband that our son "amazed him, totally blew him away". He was really hitting hard and has been going above and beyond to try to impress his coaches. Like most coaches, these guys do NOT give out compliments easily. You REALLY have to earn it, which is great because if you do get a compliment, you know they really mean it.

Obviously, we were all feeling great going into this Sunday's game. We all thought that the coach's compliment meant that our son would get more time on the field this game. Before the game, the coach told him to go out and play just like he did on Thursday. My son was amped and ready to go, but they only put him on on the minimum number of plays. Four out of the six plays were on kick-offs, which is something new they've been doing with him. On the other two plays, he went in on his regular position of cornerback, but the coaches put him in when there were literally less than 2 seconds left on the clock on both plays. Needless to say, my son couldn't accomplish anything in 1.6 seconds. The cornerback who was in for the rest of the game gave up the only two touchdowns the other team scored, so maybe our son will get a better chance next week.

My son has a good attitude about the lack of playing time. He says that he'll just have to work harder to earn his coaches respect. I admire his attitude, and told him so.

But on the inside, I'm wondering what's going on here. Why would his coach compliment him at practice and then not give him a chance in the game? I have to say that I'm confused about this. It seems like if a player amazed you, you would give them some playing time. I'm beginning to wonder if the compliment was given sincerely, but I don't know why they could give insincere praise. The coach was also telling my husband that he's been telling the line coaches to give more players time on the field, rather than just sticking to their core group of superstars.

I'm sure there is a certain amount of "paying your dues" as a first-year player, and I can accept that. It just kills me to see my son give it 150% at every practice and still not see any action. His attitude is great, and he is impressing me on many levels. What can I say, I just want to see him out there on the field, and it's not happening. He really wants to prove himself in a game as well as in practice, but he's just not getting the chance. Every week, he says that he will just have to work harder to earn his coaches respect. While this shows a lot of maturity, internally I ask myself when that respect will be given. How much does he have to give for them to give him a chance?

I've not shared any of my negative feelings with my son because I don't want to affect his incredibly great attitude. I'm just looking for a coach's perspective on this whole thing. What do you look for in a player, especially a first-year player, that makes you play them? Also, any advice for me as a parent on how to deal better with watching him sit on the bench the whole game?

Thanks, everyone. You have been of so much help to me before, and I know you will be again!

[slogar1 0]

I have seen this situation before and I understand what you and your son are going through and would like to help from a Head Coach's point of view, however, we are in the playoffs and I have watched a mountain of film the past 8 hours so I will answer shortly.

[Coachingdad 0]

I've been involved in youth football at all levels for 6 years now. Your situation is very common. Without knowing the situation first hand I can give you some good insight. In the competitive world of sports and much more true in team sports many times you only get one shot to make a good impression and if you didn't and the coach has deep enough in talent it's a learning year, work hard retool and come back showing your stuff and be ready to compete at the next level. I'm guessing your probably around the midpoint of the season, build on that compliment and see what happens. In football situations can change fast, so be patient and be very ready if it comes this season or next. I hope that helps.

[megjclarke 0]

Thanks, coachingdad.

Your comment seems right on target, and right in line with my son's attitude. After the game, he commented that he would have to work harder if he wants to get on the field. A side note: he decided not to go to the "optional" extra DB practice the Friday before the game and later kicked himself for not attending. He thought he would probably have gotten more play if he'd been there. Do you agree?

I feel kind of badly for him because he's working so hard and not necessarily getting to play. He's keeping a positive attitude, and it's good practice for later in life. After all, we can't always get what we want. We work hard and then sometimes we are rewarded. Delayed gratification is a good thing...all of us have to deal with it as adults, so we may as well learn when we're younger.

My concern is that he will end up getting discouraged and won't play next year, although it sounds like he would actually get on the field next year since he will be more experienced. Also, we've got some out-of-town family coming up to see the game on Oct 22, and I know he will be disappointed if they come and he doesn't get played. Any advice as to what he can do to up his chances? What do coaches look for in a cornerback - or any player - to signal that he is ready to go out on the field?

Even though we usually win, I come away from the games feeling kind of bad, because my son hasn't contributed to the win. It's almost like he's not part of the team. Any advice for a mom in this situation? How can I keep this in perspective and stay positive?

I do NOT want to discuss this with the coaches since I don't want to tell them how to do their job. They know what they're doing and I don't want to imply otherwise.

[Flashpd 0]

I don't want to make you mad, but it almost sounds to me like you are having a tougher time with your sons lack of playing time then he is. Could it be that you will be embarrassed if he doesn't play when the relatives are in town? Historically first yeat players do not get significant playing time unless they have significant skills. This will make sense to you next year, when your son plays all the time. You will then get upset when he gets pulled to let the first year players get some game time. The coaches praise was most likely sincere in that he saw improvment and wanted to re-enforce it with positive praise. Your son will have to improve to a point where he is consistently better than the player in front of him. This is hard to do in the middle of the season. I commend you for not mentioning your feelings to your son, the worst thing that could happen is for him to think you are embarrassed by his lack of playing time.

[Coachingdad 0]

I'll take your questions in order.

1) Bad move - he should have taken the optional extra practice, especially if he's fighting for more playing time, as long as it didn't interfere with school.

2) As to increasing his chances - give 100% at each practice, show speed and agility, especially for the CB position. Know what's going on on passing and run plays and how to defend. Don't have to be told twice how to do it, but the reality is it's all up to his competition for the position, and at this point in the season, probably the most important factor to his chances.

3) Remember its a youth sport not the NFL. He's got lots of time, so have fun with it because it definitely gets serious at the higher levels.

4) I think you got it stay positive, HAVE FUN , and be ready for any opportunity that will probably come before the season is up. And most importantly, learn from what you did right and more importantly did wrong.

5) Finally, if you've done all the above, have your son talk privately with the coach, but its between him and the coach - it's best you stay out of it.

Let me know how the season ends.

[megjclarke 0]

No, no, you haven't made me mad at all. In fact, you are 100% right!! It doesn't appear to bother my son at all, it just bothers me. I'm not embarrased, just concerned for my son's confidence. I suspect I'm being a typical worrying mother, wanting to protect my baby. Silly, considering that he seems just fine. He tends to get down on himself, and I don't want the end result of football to be that he actually feels WORSE about himself ("I gave it my best and it wasn't good enough", "I just can't do anything right", etc)

Believe me, I won't get upset if he gets pulled next year to let the new guys get a chance. I'll just be happy if he wants to play again next year.

It's helpful knowing that most first-year players just don't get played, period. I'll keep that in mind, and maybe it will help me to not be such a fierce mama bear.

[slogar1 0]

Coachingdad's opinion was very good and right tot he point; I can only add to it. I am in my 12th year coaching youth football and I can tell you it is very rare for a 1st year player to make 1st team. Your coaches' comments about his improvement are meant to be positive reinforcement and to say "we see you" and maybe he has improved enough to move up on the depth charts but it hard for a younger player to take over the top 2-3 players at any one position. Your son can ask the starters where they played their first year and I bet many of them will say they didn't play much, let alone start. One thing that I always tell the parents and the players is that they will not believe the improvement the kids make in the 2nd year; it is like night and day. As how to get better, your son just has to do the basics, esp. at cornerback. He must be a good open-field tackler and recognize and cover pass. To make offense, we do individual blocking drills and my best blockers start. As for your family coming to watch him, simply tell the coaches you have out of town people coming to watch him and ask if they can at least play him a little. I don't mind if someone asks me and we can always find a way to get 1 player into the game. As for your feelings, it is totally understandable that you are disappointed, but you are not the first mother of a 1st year player to be in this situation and you won't be the last. Many parents of kids who are starting had to endure that first year. Remember, in another year or two you will be the parent whose child is out there and there will be another mother in your shoes. What some of my 1st year parents do is pal around with parents of starters and join in cheering for their kid; that way you feel as if you are supporting the team and it actually makes the game more enjoyable instead of focusing on something you cannot change. Hope that helps.

[megjclarke 0]

Thanks so much for your input. This all makes sense, and I understand much more about the coach's perspective now that you have all put in your two cents.

I cheer for everyone, so I definitely feel included in the games. Sometimes I even cheer for the other team! I probably shouldn't do that, but I get so swept up in the game, and I get excited when ANYONE makes a good play. I always leave the games with a sore throat!

You guys have given me a reality check, and I really appreciate it!

I will post again in a few weeks and let you know what has happened as the season progresses.

Thanks again, guys!

[Clemson1 0]

Is your son on a "stacked" team? If so then you should think about moving him to a lesser team next year. Sometimes teams are so stacked that they already know is going to be starting a year out! Make sure you send him to camp over the summer. Maybe there is still some things that are missing fundamentally with him.

[megjclarke 0]

If by "stacked" team, you mean that they already have their starters, then yes, he is on a stacked team. His league consists of A, AA, and AAA divisions, with A being the youngest/lightest and AAA being the oldest/heaviest. He's in AAA, and several of the team members started out in A and have moved up through the years. These players have played for many years, are very skilled, and are in play for basically the whole game, often playing offense AND defense. If I were the coach, I'd play them too! They are very good players.

Next year he will be on the high school freshman team, and I suspect that will be a whole different story. There will likely be many people who have never played before, and I think that will make him more on par with this years' starters. He says he's not going to play next year, but I suspect he will, especially if he's able to get in a few good plays on the field this year.

He went to football camp this summer and I plan on sending him again next summer. I know EXACTLY what his problem is: he has yet to get over the fear of hitting.

I told him to go full force at EVERY practice. He really wants to impress his coaches, and he knows he doesn't have much time left to do it, so he will take full advantage of every opportunity. Whatever the coaches tell him, he will do tenfold. Hopefully this will get their attention, but it's all up to my son at this point. He will get what he gives.

[Coach Bo 0]

Hi,

I'm a new member to y-coach. But this topic caught my eye. I read the responses, and as a coach I would like to think that your son is in a better position than you think. Most of my first year players end up on the line. They possess little to no skill. If they possess good skills, they don't know how to play the game of football. Ok, so they possess skills and know how to play, but do they know the league regulations? What about the current playbook? These are all the little things that could turn into little mistakes that could cost a team. Also, some of those kids in the starting positions have been on that field since age 5. That's 8 years of knowledge and training. But, I believe your coach is giving your son a chance to learn those little things. I believe your coach sees a potential in your son. He's in a skill position, not easily accomplished by first year players. I think that would be your best sign that the coaches have interest in you son, plus the fact that he is improving and they notice this. Your son will be just fine, if he continues with football. Good Luck.

[Sixth Grade Coach 0]

Based on what I read it sounds like your sons coach is doing OK. I coach a 6th grade CYO team My Goal as a head coach is to #1 teach the fundementals of football #2 Have every player that is playing this year want to play next year #3 Teach LIFE LESSONS to my players ie. work ethic,winning ,losing yes losing ( and we have lost) Team work,growth , and christian beliefs. Yes we pray after every practice.

In all youth sports kids are playing for one of three reasons 1 they love the sport 2 they want to hang with their friends or 3 their parents are making them be thare. In all cases if we as coaches can capture a player or two and make a differance in their lives them mission accomplished. I was a wrestler and a football player in HS and a wrestler in college. My wrestling coach "talks" to me EVERY DAY of my life and I have not seen him in 12 years or so. So parents understand most coaches are doing their best and coaches keep doing what you do cause we do effect kids lives

Dave

[megjclarke 0]

OK, here's the update!

The team has made it all the way to the league championship, which is next Sunday the 19th. My son has made huge strides, and is getting played more. The turning point was when we had out of town visitors coming to see games. On the advice of slogar1 on this board, I told the coaches we had family coming in and asked if they could try to play him a little extra. Boy, did they! He went out on at least 30 plays in those games! I could have run out on the field and kissed the coaches, but I managed to hold back. Thanks for the advice, Slogar! You were right on target.

Somewhere in there, my son lost his fear of hitting. He started taking people down without hesitation. He still plays cornerback, and they've started putting him on the kickoff team as well because of his speed and power, and he's made some great tackles. In practice, he's even taken down our star player, who can often be seen in games dragging five players behind him to get that first down.

The telling sign of his improvement was this: the next game after our out of town guests came was a playoff game. My son said that he's a rookie and he won't get much play in the post-season, and I agreed. However, his coaches put him in for 10 plays, rather than the 6-play minimum. They even sent him in as cornerback when the other team was in the endzone. In the past, they would have pulled him out as soon as they got to the 30 yard line.

Interestingly, in yesterday's playoff game, the second they pulled him out, the other team made a pass to his side, which the receiver caught for a touchdown. It happened not once, but twice in the game: once was a pass, once was a running play. This is a repeated pattern I have noticed. When my son is in as cornerback, he keeps his receiver contained and nothing at all happens on his side of the field. The coaches pull him out, and 9 times out of 10, the very next play is a pass to the receiver he was covering or a run to his side, and it often results in a touchdown. My son says it's just a coincidence, but I'm wondering if it could mean that the other coaches have marked him as a strong player. Any thoughts?

While it's great to see him getting played and making tackles, the best news is that he wants to play next year. He told me football has built his confidence, made him stronger, and given him new friends. He's worked hard, and he wants to keep building on his hard work.

I will post again after the championship game next Sunday to let you know how it went.

Thanks so much for your help, guys! You've helped turn this season around for my son.