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Stan

Giving Up Football

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Please bare with me on this....it is long

My son has been playing in various sports since about age 4.

He is currently 11

He has played baseball, basketball, and soccer.

He has advanced to the travel league for all three.

His soccer team was disbanded last year. So, he wanted to play football.

He has wanted to play it since age 8 but we wanted him to get a bit bigger.

We told him to wait. However, we let him sign up. The players go through a mini workout in July to determine a best fit. However, during that time, he was involve din a state baseball tournament. So, they placed him on a B team in our league that guarantees play time in each half (1 qtr each). I asked what the criteria were for determining it. The coach said based on his other sports teams and word of mouth in the community.

The teams are structures as any player over 120 plays line positions only. My son is 81 lbs.

The coach is real good wit the team and motivates then without yelling or screaming.

My son started out very enthusiastic about the game. They had him at a 5 back which I think is like an end on offence and at corner and safety on defense. The first game we played was against a team that was quite large (11 yr old at 200 lbs and a few at 150 lbs) in the first game, he did not touch the ball and was in on a few tackles. We had a bye, so we had two weeks of practice. During practice, the coach moved him to tailback. He learned the plays and made some nice runs. In our last game, to my surprise, they started him at tailback. The team we were playing was comparable in size to our team. On the first play from scrimmage he got a pitch and went around the right side but was caught from the sire. He went down and did not get up. He was hit on his arm and also in the side. The coaches went out and checked and he got up and ran came off. After one play, the coach asked him if he was ready to go back. He said yes and yes and went in. In the game he made some nice runs, some over 2 yds. He played corner and made tackles in the backfield. When we scored our first touchdown, they had him go in motion and the quarterback threw him a pass that he had to reach out to catch for a two point conversion.

Well, the game came down to OT. Since we are new to football, we did not know what was going on. We assumed, as did most of the players that the same unit that was on the filed would stay. However, the coach gets to pick the players for OT. My son was walking down to the 10 yd line to watch when the coach and players were yelling for him to come back up to the huddle. They went in on offense.

In the meantime, I was standing at the 10 yd line and the coach’s wife asked me if I was Nick’s father. I said yes. She said that Joe was really impressed with how good Nick has become because he never seen him in the tryouts and did not know his potential.

On our scoring play, he made a block that sprung the QB free to score. We won in OT as we stopped the other team.

Now the issue...

He week before, on a pass play, our TE caught a pass and did not go down immediately.

Two of the player, cam in and hit him with their helmets and he ended up with a small line fracture of his arm.

This week at practice.. my son seemed to be limping. At the end of practice, they were going to do drills where that line up and hit each other when a coach called me and said Nick was at the bench. He said it was his ankle. I went over. They had ice on it. He was crying and said it happened early in practice. He didn’t want to stop because he said he wanted to work on the new plays (the coach has him thrown a half back pass). I took him to the hospital and it turned out to be a mild sprain. The other day, he told my wife he wanted to quit football and that he really didn’t hurt hi ankle as bas as it seemed.

He said he does not like to get hit. But, I was told by our pediatrician that with the padding, at this age, football is safer than soccer.

I think he is afraid in the practices of getting hit and hurt and therefore, thinks it will happen in a game.

I told him if you quit now you not only let you team down but the coach. He has moved you up and is expecting good things. Also, this may have an affect if you decide to go out again for the same league (i.e. the coaches all know each other as well as players).

Also, you will need to face your teammates who are in you home room in school and explain to them. (I remember as a youth, what things were like when you quit vs. if you were cut - being cut you had some leeway – quitting made for a tougher road).

He has never been afraid of pain. I have seen him take a line drive baseball off of his ankle and keep playing where a lot of kids would fall down, cry and come out.

He plays football in the backyard (semi-tackle) and gets pushed around more there.

I am not sure what to do… …he want to call and leave a message for the coach. We told him he has to tell the coach. This is all new because he has excelled in each sport he played.

Should he just quit or tuff it out for 6 more games?

Stan

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Stan,

I will refer you to the thread: Should I Let My Son Quit Football?

My opinion on quitting is this...it is a habit just like anything else...you let yourself do it once it just gets easier and easier to quit. The first year of football is the toughest because of the violent nature and the speed of the game. You cannot compare it to baseball, basketball, soccer, or any other sport for that matter... At some point every player will get hit and will get hurt that is the nature of the sport. It teaches valuable life lessons that you just don't get anywhere else in my opinion. Don't let him quit...you let him quit it sends a message that when it gets tough it is ok to not accomplish the task or follow through...that sets a bad trend for the rest of his life. Instead challenge him and tell him to tough it out...it sounds like he has a good coaching staff and a good team. Have him set some small goals for himself and keep encourarging him on the hitting...football and hitting go hand and hand.

Jack

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I have to fully concur with Jack. It is too easy to quit when the going gets tough. Sticking it out could give your son more pride and self confidence that will help him in all of life; not just sports

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Please accept that I mean no disrespect when I disagree with the other posts. I just have a great deal of experience coaching football. Because of this, I'd like to share some insight. First, please remember that your boy is only a little kid. Second, remember that he is your little kid. He's not a Marine , or a Navy SEAL, he is not playing pro ball, college ball, or even high school ball. He's playing Pop Warner. I say this so you can see my perspective. Our job is to protect our children not to impose some archaic reasoning that forces them to submit themselves to pain and fear so that people won't tag the name quitter on him. This reasoning pervades youth football and I'm hoping that more and more people see the light. I know that it can happen and together with the sharing of ideas, we can make it happen sooner. I remember a time when coaches used to restrict water to toughen kids up. What lunacy that turned out to be. I still see grown men berating little boys, teasing them, calling them names. When I call them on it they say it's to toughen them up. What are we looking for here, another generation of men that grow up able to pick on people half their age and size or people willing to stand around and take abuse? Either way, I don't get it. Can you imagine? grown men abusing little kids and because it's football, we all turn a blind eye?

Back to your point. You show me a person that says they haven't quit something and I'll show you a liar. Are they fat, then they quit taking care of themself. Divorced? obvious. Etc. etc, etc. Your boy gave it a try and discovered that it was not for him. Simple, nothing more. By the text of your letter, it sounds like there are many other things that he likes, and does well. This does not sound like a quitter, but rather an individual with the love and support from home that allows him to make his own decisions. Good for you. Keep this up and he will continue to respect you and more importantly trust you. In the future, he'll continue to try other things because he'll realize that you'll allow him to decide for himself what is and is not important. Provide support and counsel on the impact and rammifications of his decision and see what happens. He might stay, he might go. Either way, the football world will go pretty much the same and the goal posts won't fall regardless of what anyone tells you.

Good Luck

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Stan,

Sounds like your son is very athletic. He has moved on to travel teams in all the sports he has tried so far. As far as football goes it sounds like he has a great coach and will probably learn or already has learned quite a bit from this coach. Maybe the move to TB can be rethought rather than let him quite something he has started. Move him back to Defense and or TE. The coach might not like this but it's better than the alternative, having him quite altogether. I would at the least sit down with your son (and then the coach and your son together) and discuss what is going on. Come up with an alternative to quitting even if it means reduced playing time for your son. Good luck.

Syn

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Please accept that I mean no disrespect when I disagree with the other posts. I just have a great deal of experience coaching football. Because of this, I'd like to share some insight. First, please remember that your boy is only a little kid. Second, remember that he is your little kid. He's not a Marine , or a Navy SEAL, he is not playing pro ball, college ball, or even high school ball. He's playing Pop Warner. I say this so you can see my perspective. Our job is to protect our children not to impose some archaic reasoning that forces them to submit themselves to pain and fear so that people won't tag the name quitter on him. This reasoning pervades youth football and I'm hoping that more and more people see the light. I know that it can happen and together with the sharing of ideas, we can make it happen sooner. I remember a time when coaches used to restrict water to toughen kids up. What lunacy that turned out to be. I still see grown men berating little boys, teasing them, calling them names. When I call them on it they say it's to toughen them up. What are we looking for here, another generation of men that grow up able to pick on people half their age and size or people willing to stand around and take abuse? Either way, I don't get it. Can you imagine? grown men abusing little kids and because it's football, we all turn a blind eye?

Back to your point. You show me a person that says they haven't quit something and I'll show you a liar. Are they fat, then they quit taking care of themself. Divorced? obvious. Etc. etc, etc. Your boy gave it a try and discovered that it was not for him. Simple, nothing more. By the text of your letter, it sounds like there are many other things that he likes, and does well. This does not sound like a quitter, but rather an individual with the love and support from home that allows him to make his own decisions. Good for you. Keep this up and he will continue to respect you and more importantly trust you. In the future, he'll continue to try other things because he'll realize that you'll allow him to decide for himself what is and is not important. Provide support and counsel on the impact and rammifications of his decision and see what happens. He might stay, he might go. Either way, the football world will go pretty much the same and the goal posts won't fall regardless of what anyone tells you.

Good Luck

Coach,

We could have a whole tread on this discussion and coaches feelings on it. My feelings are this...behavior traits and patterns are defined and created in the early child periods of life which creates a template for how an adult is going to respond to challanges and obstacles he is going to face later on in life...I honestly think you hamstring children by actually thinking that your protecting them by not making them stand by the decisions they make. To me we if anything in the United States we have done more harm then good by over-protecting are kids...This is not about being a Marine or Navy Seal or playing college or pro ball...it is about teaching children very important life lessons, survival mechanisms, and tools that can used to help them make sound decisions...they can either learn them in a controlled environment or they can learn them in the real world when it is to late....your choice but I would rather have my children learn how to fail, suffer, and grow from those experience in an environment that I and coaches control then in the real world that is less forgiving. That is simply the facts of life that you cannot get around and exactly why sports came about in the first place. I have a newborn and I will protect him but I am also willing to let him stumble, fall, and pick himself back up and learn from those lessons but I will never allow him to simply quit because the going got to hard or he didn't like the choice he made...that is simply telling him that later in life he can do the same thing...and yes I think everyone has quit at something...show me someone, anyone that has taken a chance on anything and I will show you someone that has failed and more importantly regretted that he quit (not failed)..failure is a part of life...but it is better to fail in the classroom then in real life...and sports are nothing more then a classroom for life lessons...as soon as more parents realize that and stop trying to soften one of the very things that are supposed to teach those life lessons and skills of survial to kids the better off we will be... That doesn't mean I or any coach that believes the samethings I do believe in self induced violence or some arhcaic reasoning as you put it. A matter of fact I have probably done more to learn how to be a positive impact on kids because I do care so much. It simply means that experiencing bumps in the road and learning how to deal with them is good thing...being tough on kids in a positive manner is a good thing. Holding them accountable for their actions, their conduct, their performance, their attitude helps them understand real world boundries...if properly coached. I don't think you will ever find a parent of child that I have coached say that the experience was one of teasing or yelling or screaming for the sake of embarssing a child...good coaches know that sports are a tool about teaching kids how to survive LIFE and everything it will throw at them...being good at the sport is only secondary. Honestly I don't see one post above yours that was not positive, supportive, or constructive...so I find your comments less then questionable.

Jack

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Stan,

The part about your son being afraid of getting hit or hitting others. In my coaching experience (9-11yr olds)there are always kids in the beginning of the year that are afraid of hitting. If the coaches teach proper tackling techniques along with drills that build confidence those kids that are timid at first become confident and by the end of the year they aren't timid anymore. Actually these kids (usually first year players) are the most improved. If coached up these kids very rarely remain timid throughout the season. In my opinion that would be reason enough to try to pursuade my son.

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Thanks for the feedback.

His coach seems t be teaching correct techniques. I think it is the size of some the opposing teams that is the problem outweighing him by 20 to 50 lbs in some cases. Although he get up after the tackles and seems to be ok..

Here is what has been going on.

My wife and I told him that he needs to finish out the last 4 games and then decide next year. At practice on Tuesday the 12th, he had a mild sprain at the end of practice when the hitting drills began. Question was.. how bad of a sprain because we had it checked and it was negative. On Thursday, he missed because of an enormous amount of homework. I let the coach know and he said ok. On the 16th my son was refusing to get out of bed and get dressed for his game. We told him it was letting his coach down and team because they have prepared for the game. I explained that the team he was playing against has not won a game and that since he missed a lot of practice time, he may not play as much.

I finally got him to the game. We were there and a few of the other team players were arriving. One boy on the other team was about 5’7 220 lb. However, he did not seem to be too athletic. This made my son seem a little tight again. I told him that he would never be able to get outside to tackle you. My son went through the warm-ups and half way through, since it was wet, the coaches tapped his angle as he appeared to be limping. As the game started, to my surprise and probably my sons, they started him at tailback. He got the first pitch and went out side for about 4 yds. On the same drive, he took another pitch and cut outside to pick up 15 and was tackled out of bounce for a penalty.

We scored on the drive. Also, he made some nice tackles in the back field. We won 35-0 but after the game he did not say much. When we arrived home, he went out with the neighborhood friends and told them about the game and the other team. He seemed ok as he spoke to them.

During practice this Thursday, we were surprised to see that we (6th grade) were scrimmaging an A division team in our organization (these are 8th graders but to this point has not won a game).. When they were arriving, my son came over and said he did not want play. He said he needed to get home to do homework. I told him to give it a try. Our team had the first series and the first pitch went to my son. He didn’t even get started and two of the A players jumped him in the backfield. He got the second pitch and cut in to the line and went no where. Our other back got a pitch and also did not make much progress. Later in the series, my son took a pitch and went right only to see the A tem coming in, so he revered his direction and went all the way back to the left and made about a yard but was tackled by two or three players. He came out shaking his hand and did want to go back in. He had ice on it. It appeared to be a bruise. At the end of the scrimmage, his coach said that they all did well and that they will not see any teams in their league that is as quick and big. I am not sure how it went over. On the way home, my son seemed ok. He said he has no chance on a those plays.

Today, again, he complained about going to the game. I finally got him into the car as he kept complaining that this was his last game. We got the game and the team was warming up on a baseball field above the football field. As out team was ready to go onto the filed, the coach came over and said Nick twisted his ankle and it looks like he will not be able to play. The first thing I thought was the old adage –cry wolf. I went up to the hill where he was on a bench with ice and our league president. He was crying. I asked him what happened and he said he rolled it when he was coming down the hill.

The league president carried him down to the filed and I sat with him on the bench. His teammates kept coming over to see how he was and if he would be able to play as did some of the coaches. His coach asked me about it. I said I was not sure that we may see at halftime. I told him that he may not think much about it but his team mates and coached know he is important and would like to see him try. I told him the coach now has to shuffle players around to fill his position. He was crying and said he really wanted to play in the game ??… Our first team went on offense less my son. The looked a little ragged as the first few pitches to our tailback that starts opposite my son was juggled and resulted in losses. The settled down and scored a TD. We tried to tape his ankle at halftime but he said it hurt too much. Our team played great defense settled and won 6-0. After the game, the coaches said they will tape his ankle for each game and a parent suggested an ankle brace.

Now he is limping some. I said we should get a brace and he said it would help.

So, I am not sure if he really turned it as I have not yet examined it or if he didn’t want to play.

The next game is against a team that has not won game. He may actually want to play in this game, although I am not taking bets!

From what I am told, all of his team (boys under 125 lbs) get to go through the same 2 day tryout next year. As I posted earlier, he missed this years 2 day tryout because he was a state baseball tournament. All first year players are usually placed on these teams because all players are guaranteed some playing time where as the other teams in our league do not guarantee time. My guess is he would rather be on a team that plays against boys closer to his own size. He probably is good enough that he would get to play a lot. But that is next year and at this rate he may not want to even go out. Today he said I guess the 2 tryout was important,,,I said it appears so but what could we do.

The next few weeks should be interesting..

Stan

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Thanks for the feedback.

His coach seems t be teaching correct techniques. I think it is the size of some the opposing teams that is the problem outweighing him by 20 to 50 lbs in some cases. Although he get up after the tackles and seems to be ok..

Here is what has been going on.

My wife and I told him that he needs to finish out the last 4 games and then decide next year. At practice on Tuesday the 12th, he had a mild sprain at the end of practice when the hitting drills began. Question was.. how bad of a sprain because we had it checked and it was negative. On Thursday, he missed because of an enormous amount of homework. I let the coach know and he said ok. On the 16th my son was refusing to get out of bed and get dressed for his game. We told him it was letting his coach down and team because they have prepared for the game. I explained that the team he was playing against has not won a game and that since he missed a lot of practice time, he may not play as much.

I finally got him to the game. We were there and a few of the other team players were arriving. One boy on the other team was about 5’7 220 lb. However, he did not seem to be too athletic. This made my son seem a little tight again. I told him that he would never be able to get outside to tackle you. My son went through the warm-ups and half way through, since it was wet, the coaches tapped his angle as he appeared to be limping. As the game started, to my surprise and probably my sons, they started him at tailback. He got the first pitch and went out side for about 4 yds. On the same drive, he took another pitch and cut outside to pick up 15 and was tackled out of bounce for a penalty.

We scored on the drive. Also, he made some nice tackles in the back field. We won 35-0 but after the game he did not say much. When we arrived home, he went out with the neighborhood friends and told them about the game and the other team. He seemed ok as he spoke to them.

During practice this Thursday, we were surprised to see that we (6th grade) were scrimmaging an A division team in our organization (these are 8th graders but to this point has not won a game).. When they were arriving, my son came over and said he did not want play. He said he needed to get home to do homework. I told him to give it a try. Our team had the first series and the first pitch went to my son. He didn’t even get started and two of the A players jumped him in the backfield. He got the second pitch and cut in to the line and went no where. Our other back got a pitch and also did not make much progress. Later in the series, my son took a pitch and went right only to see the A tem coming in, so he revered his direction and went all the way back to the left and made about a yard but was tackled by two or three players. He came out shaking his hand and did want to go back in. He had ice on it. It appeared to be a bruise. At the end of the scrimmage, his coach said that they all did well and that they will not see any teams in their league that is as quick and big. I am not sure how it went over. On the way home, my son seemed ok. He said he has no chance on a those plays.

Today, again, he complained about going to the game. I finally got him into the car as he kept complaining that this was his last game. We got the game and the team was warming up on a baseball field above the football field. As out team was ready to go onto the filed, the coach came over and said Nick twisted his ankle and it looks like he will not be able to play. The first thing I thought was the old adage –cry wolf. I went up to the hill where he was on a bench with ice and our league president. He was crying. I asked him what happened and he said he rolled it when he was coming down the hill.

The league president carried him down to the filed and I sat with him on the bench. His teammates kept coming over to see how he was and if he would be able to play as did some of the coaches. His coach asked me about it. I said I was not sure that we may see at halftime. I told him that he may not think much about it but his team mates and coached know he is important and would like to see him try. I told him the coach now has to shuffle players around to fill his position. He was crying and said he really wanted to play in the game ??… Our first team went on offense less my son. The looked a little ragged as the first few pitches to our tailback that starts opposite my son was juggled and resulted in losses. The settled down and scored a TD. We tried to tape his ankle at halftime but he said it hurt too much. Our team played great defense settled and won 6-0. After the game, the coaches said they will tape his ankle for each game and a parent suggested an ankle brace.

Now he is limping some. I said we should get a brace and he said it would help.

So, I am not sure if he really turned it as I have not yet examined it or if he didn’t want to play.

The next game is against a team that has not won game. He may actually want to play in this game, although I am not taking bets!

From what I am told, all of his team (boys under 125 lbs) get to go through the same 2 day tryout next year. As I posted earlier, he missed this years 2 day tryout because he was a state baseball tournament. All first year players are usually placed on these teams because all players are guaranteed some playing time where as the other teams in our league do not guarantee time. My guess is he would rather be on a team that plays against boys closer to his own size. He probably is good enough that he would get to play a lot. But that is next year and at this rate he may not want to even go out. Today he said I guess the 2 tryout was important,,,I said it appears so but what could we do.

The next few weeks should be interesting..

Stan

Hi Stan,

There have been some good points made by everyone in here so far.

I think the best thing to do, and this should make both parties happy, is to encourage him to atleast finish this year....kind of a "You started it, you're gonna finish it" kind of approach. Make sure you give him plenty of positive reinforcement so he doesn't feel like it's all hard work and yelling. If he doesn't want to play next season then it may not be in his future plans and let him move on to something else.

Something else to think about. I have a 9 year old son and he plays every sport! Sometimes when we are talking he says he wants to stop playing one sport to concentrate on the other, but when that particular sport season rolls around he still wants to play it. Maybe give your son some time off and see if he misses playing the sport. Don't force him into anything...let him make his own decisions. The only thing I do is I mention that sign-ups for that sport are coming up...if he wants to play I let him tell me.

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There are a lot of topics in this discussion. First off, i agree that children should be made to stick by their decision once made. When I was starting football I had one of those crazy coaches that about killed us in practice. Most of us who are a bit older probably did. I rememeber wanting to quit my first year. I'm glad my dad didn't let me. As some have said standing up to challenges early in life, prepares you to handle more serious challenges as you mature. I agree with the father asking his son to stay for the entire year and then make the decision as to whether or not to give up football. The child may decide later in life to try it again, if not he has interests in other sports. I feel for the father who was trying to judge wether or not his son was really injured or was faking to keep from playing. I'd hate to make that call. I don't agree with taping up joint injuries in youth football. If its a bruise, you can pad it and go, but a joint injury is not worth aggravating for youth football. i am coaching youth football (7-9 yoa)for the first time this year and have a son on the team. Many of the kids have a fear of being hurt, many cry histarically when they feel pain. As coaches we have to be able to teach the difference between pain and injury, at this age being very conservative and taking care of the kids first. In my opinion the best way to ensure a good aggressive football player is to give the kids confidence in their abililty and the ability of their equipment to keep them safe.

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Stan,

I mean no disrespect to you. But maybe you should stop with the complaining. I've coached for many years at your sons level and we always scrimmage the upper level kids. It seems to me that your son maybe picking up on your negative comments. I disagree with anyone that has said it would be Ok for your son to quit. thats the easy way out. Calling an leaving a message is wrong.

I've told my kids you can play anything you want to play. But just remember once you start you with finish the season.

Has the coached asked your son were he wants to play? Maybe he is not playing a position he likes? Maybe he wants to play defense.

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